At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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