so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
