and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
