toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
