This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
