Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
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Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
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Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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