So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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