you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I want her autograph on my taint
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
