Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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