can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
