i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
ttyl tear gas
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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