GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
