we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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