is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
