i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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