why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
