Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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