i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
