boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
