I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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