I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
