I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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