We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
