woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
