I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
