I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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