I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
