i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
