fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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