i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
