he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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