Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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