Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
