I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
