I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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