Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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