I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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