You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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