Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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