I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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