please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
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When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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