Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
