these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Randomize
