Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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