I hate all girls vehemently.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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