My room smells like vodka and shame
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
