I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So many bounce houses so little time
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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