Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
