my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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