so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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