So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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