turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
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Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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