i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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