I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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