hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
