PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
