Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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