Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
