I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
