I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
