I just saw a hot homeless man
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
