Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
