My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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