hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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