just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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