i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
