she was so not down for the gang bang
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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