Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
