So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize