After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
