I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
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I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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