There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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